Your a fuck up

why are you such a gimp to me. why does is happen to be like that. the more i want to forget about it the more it comes up in my mind. why are you so annoying. why do you appear at the wrong timing. Why?

A series of questions i want to ask God or whoever out there is reading and is experiencing the same problem as me.

So we were walking home today and whatnot it was alright we were walking up kingsway and oh jess look her behind..? theres him and his friend. Yeah okay then i was happy at the point.. then something that ALWAYS happens. He never speaks to me instead he talks to my other 2 friends. Yeah so im there like chatting to his friend like yehyeh lol. Then he just carrys on talking to my friends and it ends up so wierd becuase for some reason i know he is walking becuase we were. So we split up.... he goes sainsbrys with friends, me and my 2 friends carry on walking home. Yeah then i thought that was it... its fine.. its finished.. its over and yeah..

Then as we were wwalking there he was again on his own this time. He was behind and he poked one of my friend and i was like yeah whatever fuck off. and he was talking to my other 2 friends and i was there pretending to fucking text. And he was talking and i know he wants to talk to me but he disent want to make it so obv so he talks to my friends instead. Then yeah he said something about 'I remeber in primary when you had ginger striks' OK. So thats what he fucking said and it wasnt exacly nice either.... fuck offf im not ginger.

He fucks my life up so bad. For the last how many years now... 5 years.. yeah for the past 5 years i am still loving him even though we dont even barley speak anymore. Everytime i say to myself im going to get over him and let go..... hes there in my face and i am so dub theres is something that i always wana make attention to him or i would want to try and go near him...................... i am such a gimp.... i am a real stupid gimp. Why would i do that.So today i was saying to myself that i will stop liking him and i will let go. But the after school thing happened.

I know he likes me. That may sound so dumb. But that ecplains why he walked today with someone he dosent proper like.. and he would speed walk up behind us.. becuase he couldnt be so fast... And last time before the 23 min phone call with him.. he was beehind me suddenly.. like realy quick...... realy quick..... so i know there is something going on. he does like me in the slightest way but hes a pussy. He wouldnt make a little effort in getting to talk to me more. yeah saying i was ginger so bring asubject to make me respond.. 'no' Im not a fucking toyboy. im not going to be there weeing myself going HAHahahaha i know yeah i was a fucking gay ginge mate.
No im not going to do that.

Im just saying everytime i say to myself im letting go either my heart is stil on him and i try and make the effort in making attention to him and what i get is nothing but crap......... or he just comes up to me and does something that i always cant resisit for. the slightest thing even a smile from him wil make my heart melt and i start falling for him again.

I mean i want it to ealy stop now.. I realy want just friends. I need to stop doing this. i just need to contoll myself...... if we are made for each other than god would of planned it all out. If were not.. then were not i shouldnt be trying to catch attention. Becuase i know there are more than a few times he would of seen me and i havnt. and he wouldnt upfront himself up and make attention so i would look or speak to him. He wouldnt do that so why should i? I dont want a boy that is a sucha puss that wouldnt say a thing that he kknows that he wants to, bit instead flirts with my friends? What trying to get my jelous. Yeah i am right now but im telling you its not going to suceed in your eyes anymore. You can flirt eith whoever you fucking want now and walk past me blanking the fuck out of me cos im not giving the effort in giving you chances, ive ipened many doors for you now but your rather climb the window out. I am sicj and ive had enough for waiting for you. I am more of a girl i know and i should know i can do better than you already. You can do whatever you want know. be your wanabe chav, be your girl hanger! Whatever, i dont care and if one day you would come up to me and do something that would today make my heart melt... Its not going to happen anymore. Becuase its not worth giving you chances then you letting me down. Youve had your chances, ive gave enough oopitunities for you.... but you dont appreiate it.. you should of cherished me. and now you decided not to, im not going to bother giving you thr chance, your chance was gone.

Why have i typed 6 paragraphs? He might be on the phone to his bffl becky right now. and i dont give a deep shit aymore, youve fucked 5 years of my life and now its going to STOP.